Well as it turns out Jacob and I have recently discussed engagement. We have thought of getting engaged this upcoming summer and getting married in the summer of 2015. I never thought I’d be ready, but I am. I love him to the moon and back. We have been able to prove to each other that we can make it through the hard times, through distance, through this whole ordeal with my family (which I’ll blog a whole ‘nother post on if requested), and he is still here. I couldn’t ask for anyone better to spend the rest of my life with. Recently, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and GAD (post-traumatic stress disorder and generalized anxiety disorder) which also both have a side affect of depression. This is kind of a hampering thought when it comes to thinking about marriage. I feel like I should take care of myself before I drag someone else into this. However, I know he is there to help. I’ll have to figure things out as they come I guess. One day at a time.
Well, haven’t been blogging much. But all is as good as it gets for now. Recently was kicked out of my house and was couch hopping (of course, no internet). But hey, Jacob is still by my side and that is all that matters. Almost two years strong and him and his family are back in town for good. Marriage plans TBA…. 😉
Sooo haven’t had internet since the start of summer. At my cousins house now usin her internet. Just a quick update. Jacob is coming home…december 31st at 10pm. Just in time for my new years kiss. How could i ever ask for a better way to start my year? Any of you others in a LDR? Hang in there…it is so worth it.
I will be more than what you think i will become. I will exceed the low standards that you have set for me due to the fact that you think that I am incapable and young and stupid. I will have a strong career and make a good income and be better financially stable than you ever were or ever will be. I will treat friends and family with respect unlike you who just name call and back stab and bring everyone around you down. My kids will not resent me because I will treat them with respect and understand them and not beat them up over small things. My kids will not hate themselves either, because unlike you I will make sure that they know that they are special and beautiful instead of calling them a whore, bitch, or any other uncalled for name. I will take care of grandma because you just don’t and it hurts me and makes me want to cry because you only are out to use her money and hurt her. I will pay her back for everything she has given you and more. She needs to relax and I will make sure that she can. I will not be you. If only you knew how much I hurt, how much I cry at night, how much I depend on others that aren’t you, how much sometimes I just want to die. And yet you have never noticed, never noticed the scars on my wrists and in my heart. And you wonder why I love my boyfriends family more than you. Once I’m of age, I am gone. I am gone and off to greater things and if need be it won’t include you. I will not be like you.
All i want is to be tucked soundly into bed with him by my side. Just him holding me until sleep overcomes us both. It is just that I never get to see him because of this distance and we have never been able to sleep together and now that he is here we still don’t have that chance. Meh. I just want a night of peaceful rest. In his arms everything feels safe and I can actually sleep and have dreams almost as beautiful as he is. ❤
Take my hand and take me away to the place where dreams come true. Take me away from the madness, the sickness, the hurt, the pain. Take me away from it all. Hold my hands and tell me it will be ok. I’m ready to move on, away from family sometimes…and start my own. Not a family with kids yet, but a family of two. Just him and I. And maybe then, everything will be perfect. ❤
<img src="https://shiansilence.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/dscn2624.jpg" class="size-full" alt="One year
Today we celebrate one whole year together (: Pretty awesome i must say since we have been long distance this whole time!! And the fact that we are just teenagers makes it even more awesome. We are defying the odds. We are setting ourselves apart from what people expect. And i couldn’t be happier. Today is going to be a great day I love you!